Dear Dr. Renee,
My kids are always asking me who my favorite child is? How do I respond to this?
– Kristy
Dear Kristy,
This is a fun question for me.
We all know we should not play favorites but some days …
It can be scary when you hear your child/children ask “Who is your favorite?” Many parents are worried that if they say the wrong thing, they will scar their children for life.
I promise you will not scar your child for life. I do, however, advocate for not labeling or comparing your children.
So, what can you say when your children ask you that dreaded question?
When possible, do your best to answer it in private, with just the child who asked.
Regardless of whether can get someplace private or not, personalize your answer!
Here are a few examples we have used in our home:
- You are my favorite first/second born daughter.
- You are my favorite Alanna/Megan in the whole world!
- You are my favorite 10-year-old at this moment.
- You are my favorite French Horn/Percussion player.
I am guessing that you get the idea. Yes, some of these are cheesy, but they answer the question without potentially hurting anyone else in the process.
If you find it hard to come up with answers on the spot, think about a few ideas in advance. That way you will have them handy when you need them.
And Kristy, in case you were wondering, you are my favorite Question-Asker of the day!
-Dr. Renee
There are just a few days left to get my Mother’s Day Coaching Special. A few parents have jumped in just for a tune-up but this can also be used for more serious issues. As long as you click the purple link above and schedule before May 31st, 2021, you can use this multiple times and over the next several months.
That is great. It diminishes sibling rivalry but it gives each kid a chance to feel special.
Exactly! 🙂
My children don’t ask but others do. I tell them I love all my children, grands and greats very much but every now and then one shines through and you love them differently. Doesn’t mean you love them more, just different. For birthdays, I say
My favorite oldest grandson” or my favorite middle granddaughter” just to make them all feel special.
Love it! When I worked in an elementary school, it was amazing to me how children could see different as still being “fair.” They seemed to understand, and be OK with, how the teacher needed to respond to each child differently for the best results.
I love you how make each of yours feel special. 🙂
Interesting…we never asked that question in my family, although I often hear siblings arguing over who is the favorite. I like the personalized responses that you give your children.
It’s a common question I hear from parents often -I’m not sure we ever asked it in my family growing up but am pretty sure we accused our parents of treating the other sibling as the favorite. 😵