Dear Dr. Renee,
Spring is here and we are so excited to be outside. My 5-year-old son just learned to ride his bike but he doesn’t stop at the end of our driveway as requested. We live on a relatively quiet street with a long driveway but still…
Concerned for safety,
Angie
Dear Angie,
I love that your son is out riding his bike (energy burner!!). Safety is something I talk about putting in the “A Basket” in my Discipline Decoded course. You need to respond no-matter-what.
At his age, his impulse control is not well developed. That means there will be more work on your part for a bit. Providing safe boundaries and teaching him how to control his impulses will be key. The time and effort you put in now will help him in the long run.
Be concrete when possible. In this case, that is simple. You can put bright cones at the end of the driveway or draw a thick line with chalk. This provides a visual STOP cue for your son.
Redirecting your child or catching him before he mis-behaves is important! You can do this by making a positive statement as he heads toward the end of the driveway: “I love how you are getting close to the line but haven’t gone over it!” You are prompting good behavior before it happens while reminding him of your clear expectations.
Be prepared to drop what you are doing if (when) your son does not stop at that line. Every. Single. Time.
I am all for warning first – you are teaching your child a lesson. However, this is not a ‘throw him in the pool and see if he can swim’ kind of moment. That is why you need to be willing to respond immediately if he crosses the line.
Get him as quickly as possible and try to respond as matter-of-factly as you can.
This is often easier said than done. However, if you can make a calm statement, you show him that you mean business and are going to follow through.
Here are two matter-of-fact statements you can try out:
“Kids who follow directions get to ride bikes.”
or
“I’m sorry your body doesn’t want to follow directions. I expect it will remember better next time.”
Then, put the bike away and go do something else. You can both practice again another time.
Wishing you lots of sunshine and energy-burning bike riding,
Dr. Renee
I am fairly certain that never would have worked with me…
And, it also requires full time attention by the parent(s)….
It does require the full attention of the parents, as most parenting lessons do. 😉
This mom actually had some success but it took a number of tries. Eventually, the boy graduated to being able to ride in their cul de sac – but he had to be able to follow directions and learn about safety first.
I was expecting to read about teaching kids how to ride a bike, however, this seems like a much more important lesson.
Being able to ride a bike expanded the borders of the town that I could explore.
Getting permission to ride my bike to school was a big thing. I learned how to use a combination lock. The harder lesson was to remember to ride my bike back home after school. My dad asked me one day where my bike was. I could not connect the dots to this question but when he ask if I left it at school, I had the “ah ha” moment.
Blog on!
Hi Doug,
How to ride a bike could be another question I answer – but yes, this was about learning to help your child understand and adhere to boundaries. This boy is starting early so I have a feeling he’ll be exploring the world in a few years.
🙂
Interesting and detailed post about how to watch and, if necessary, redirect a young kid who has just learned to ride a bicycle but doesn’t yet understand where it is safe to do so and where it isn’t.
Thanks Alice 🙂