Dear Dr. Renee,
We just moved to a new state and my children are getting along great. I’m sure it is because they don’t have anyone else to play with right now. How do I keep this positive sibling relationship going after we all make new friends and get busy again?
-Elaine
Dear Elaine,
Congratulations to you for what you did to foster that positive sibling relationship! Having moved a few times as a child, I can attest to the fact that it is nice to have someone to play with when your family moves to a new location.
Here are 3 things you can do to build or continue that positive sibling relationship.
1. Have a Special Spot for Each Child
This is a place where your child can take a break, not have to share, or just escape an annoying sibling on occasion.
This is easy to do if your children have their own bedrooms. In homes where children share a room, you can get creative! A reading nook, under a bed (have a bed skirt so the child can hide), or even outside on a swing are great “Special Spots.
2. Ensure Your Children Listen to and Respect Each Other
This is especially important when one sibling says “no” or “please stop.”
Teaching your children to listen and respect others is so important. This starts with siblings, “Please stop singing in my ear.” “Please leave my room.” Then that listening and respect can carry over to friends, college roommates, and even future spouses.
3. Create a Strong Family Identity
My guess is that you are feeling a strong family bond right now as you face this new-move adventure together. You can build on that and keep it going over time. For anyone reading this who has not moved recently, you, too, can create a strong family identity.
One way to do this is to have family date nights such as movie/game nights. Go to parks or cook meals together.
I wish you and your family happy new adventures together,
-Dr. Renee
If you are not where Elaine and her family are right now and need help with siblings who are not playing together nicely… you need to read these: Sibling Squabbles, What to Do About Friends Fighting, Stopping Sibling Spats, I had it first, and What to Do When Siblings Pull Punches
I love the special spot advice (under the bed would have been my spot😁). Regarding listening, so many parents do not realize that listening must be actively taught. Excellent advice to parents. Blessings to you.
Thank you 💕
It is important to have separate spots to do homework too.
Whenever possible, absolutely! Thanks for pointing that out 🙂
I am tutoring a kindergarten kid in virtual school (he is in a hybrid program). When he is not doing school, I really enjoy seeing how he interacts with his little brother. Sharing is sometimes challenging for them but, in the almost three months that I’ve been going to their house, I can see that they are becoming more considerate of each other!
That’s great Alice – thanks for being a tutor!
Teachers I work with always tell me how much they learn when they are able to do home visits. This crazy covid year has provided a lot of insight into why kids are the way they are (both good and bad) … I’m glad that your Kindergartener and his brother are becoming more considerate of each other. 🙂
Great advice! We have instilled a strong family identity with our kids. Even when they are fighting, they still know they have each other’s back.
Love that! It is so important to believe that someone has your back 🙂