As we approach Mother’s Day, I thought I would share a few thoughts about why this amazing day can be so frustrating! Don’t get me wrong – it can be a super day, too! But I hear from so many moms about how disappointed they were on Mother’s Day. My goal is to help you avoid being disappointed and to really enjoy your day.
Recognize who we are celebrating…YOU!
That being said, if you want the day to go well, you know what you need to do. Plan it. Yes, I know that doesn’t sound like the day you were envisioning, but keep reading, I’ll explain.
Be mindful of your expectations.
Do this as much for you as for your kids.
The media does a great job making Mother’s Day out to be this amazing, flowery, perfect family kind of day. Their job is to sell a product and they appeal to our emotions and dreams to do so. Remember that you are only getting a piece of the whole picture. When you see all the happy pictures your friends are posting on Instagram or Facebook… you only get to see the cream of the crop, the best of the best. Please be mindful of your expectations and keep perspective when viewing anything in the media.
Some mothers have partners, parents, or friends who will help their children create a wonderful Mother’s Day. Many mothers, have real human beings who try to do something, sometimes at the last minute, or possibly even forget to celebrate at all.
So, it is important to teach your children about your expectations for the day. Be specific in asking for what you want. If you want them to bring you breakfast in bed make sure you start asking them a few days in advance to do so. Again, be specific with your meal request – do you want omelets or cereal? Teach them how to make you happy by letting them know exactly what you want. Obviously, there is no guarantee that they will get it exactly perfect, but there’s a much better chance that they will come close.
I’m super fortunate that my girls (with much help from my husband when they were little) liked to bring me breakfast in bed. My girls love to make pancakes with their dad, so that was what they brought up to me. During the weeks leading up to Mother’s Day, whenever we had pancakes, I would mention how much I liked chocolate chip pancakes and fresh strawberries..so that is often what they would bring me. What I really wanted was 5-6 more hours of sleep, but I couldn’t pass up the joy on those sweet little faces!
If this all seems a bit overwhelming, it might be time to create new rules for Mother’s Day in your house. Maybe you decide everyone will help you cook your favorite meal. Maybe you take your kiddos shopping and show them three things you would really like as a gift from them for Mother’s Day. Let them choose which one they want to give you (and then go buy it!).
In an earlier blog post, I talked about how my daughters and husband plant our garden for spring. I’m not a huge veggie fan, so I leave that up to them… However, I do love flowers! A tradition we have on Mother’s Day, is for my daughters and I to plant our container flower gardens.
This is a way for me to spend time with the two beings who made me a mother, doing something I like to do and will enjoy seeing for weeks to come. When I have my act together, I will take the girls out during the prior week to pick out flowers they want to plant with me on Mother’s Day. However, there have been some years, when I have just picked out the variety of flowers I wanted and let them choose which ones to put in the containers we were planting together.
Your children can’t read your mind and they don’t know what you want or expect. Your children also don’t want to feel like they missed a holiday. They are less aware of the calendar and how to celebrate Mother’s Day. Make sure you have realistic expectations and that you are specific with your requests.
With a little planning, you can have a great Mother’s Day.
So, go out there and celebrate YOU!!!
I am posting this a bit early. I wanted to give you a little time to try the ideas below so that you don’t have to start them at midnight on February 13th!
Whether you celebrate Valentine’s Day, or just love chocolate, love seems to be in the air this time of year.
According to Dictionary.com, LOVE is…
A profound tender, passionate affection for another person.
A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
I remember when we first brought our daughter home. In between the sense of overwhelm and fear that if we didn’t “do it right” someone would come take her back, I developed this incredible sense of love for our tiny infant. It was something so strong I couldn’t describe it in words.
I was a actually a bit worried when we brought her sister home that this would hurt, or somehow diminish, the love I had for her. It didn’t. It’s amazing how much a heart can grow!
Some of you are going through challenges with your children and aren’t feeling that love right now. I get it. Believe me – we have both teen and pre-teen girls in our house! It can be very hard at times to remember the love you felt when you were first getting to know your child, whether that was at birth or any age you brought a child into your life.
Here are three things to help you get that feeling back. It won’t happen overnight, but try one – or all three – to help you feel the love between you and your child more often.
1) Write a Love Letter to Your Child
Take some time to think about what you most love, admire or enjoy about your child. Put this in a letter and mail it to your child. Be sure to include what makes you most proud to call him/her your child.
2) Create a Love List
If writing a letter is not your thing, write a “Top Ten Reasons I Love You” list. Some ideas to get you started: I love your smile, kind heart, how you care about your friends, share your toys nicely, how you cuddle with our dog, when we brush our teeth together and see who can get their teeth the cleanest, …. Be creative.
3) Love Notes
Write a short and sweet love note to your child and put it in his/her lunch box or leave it at the breakfast/dinner table each day of Valentine’s week. “Have fun in school today” or “I love your smile” are two ideas.
Here is an easy craft idea I sent out to my weekly Tip subscribers:
Cut out large hearts in different colors. Write notes on each of the hearts and tape them to your child’s door. The notes can be things you love about your child or you can use candy-heart sayings (Be Mine, I Luv U). You could even stick one heart per year that your child has been alive – this is easier for kids to understand when they are older. Be aware that younger children might wonder why they didn’t get as many hearts as their older siblings, so just be ready with an explanation.
If you have a young child who can’t read yet, glue or draw pictures onto the hearts. The pictures can be of family and friends who love your child or fun/cute pictures from magazines or the internet.
Sometimes it’s the little things that can melt a heart and see big changes.
If you are feeling the challenges of raising a child, please take advantage of my February Special: One-on-One Coaching sessions are only $49
Click the picture for more information.
This is not just for new parents – if you have worked with me before, you can take advantage of this, too!
Does your child have a bad case of the “Gimmes” or the “I-wants”? “Give me this” and “I want that!”
Parents often struggle with providing for their children while keeping their child from feeling entitled or falling into the “spoiled” category. Many parents feel like they are earning enough, so why shouldn’t they provide everything for their children? It’s also easy to want for your children what you didn’t have. Watch out and think twice before you provide everything! Material things end up meaning less if they are easily available.
If you want to break the “Gimmes” or “I-wants”, or if you are lucky enough to be reading this when your child is very young and want to prevent these sneaky creatures from entering your home, you need to have a plan. As a parent, you are in charge. You do not need to be mean, but you do need to think about your priorities and teach them to your children. Will you give them everything they need at any time, or only when you feel they need something? What about things they ‘want’ (the $200 pair of jeans, when you can get very nice jeans for $20-30). Will you provide an allowance and ask your child to provide for herself (clothing, activities, outings)? Will you ask your child to split the cost of the extras (movies, shopping for items that are not needed-just desired, such as his 8th hockey stick)?
If allowances or a demand for new things aren’t the problem but you feel like your child has too many things (notice a big mess around the house or things that get ignored for months?), think about having your child clean out his toy box right before the holidays or his birthday. See if you can find a homeless shelter, women’s shelter or another ‘real-life’ place to take your child to donate the old toys. Help your child understand that these children might not get any toys/clothing if you did not help out. Explain that these children can still be happy and healthy and loved, but their families most likely do not have enough money for fun things or things above and beyond the necessities.
And what about shopping trips to the grocery store or for another person’s birthday? As a parent who needs to take a child on a shopping trip, you face extra challenges than someone shopping alone. I’ll be the first to admit to buying a toy from the $1 section on more than one occasion to entertain my child throughout the shopping trip… See my blog on The Joys (not!) of Shopping with Children for more. If you buy your child something on every shopping trip, he will learn to expect it (and the “Gimmes” will be there in full force). If you give in to a tantrum because he wants something you are not willing to buy, he will learn that throwing a tantrum gets him whatever item he wants.