Tag Archives: parenting

01May/17

The 90 Days of May

Here we are!  We have officially entered what I lovingly (?!) call the 90 days of May.  If you have children in school, you know what I’m talking about.  There are concerts and performances, last minute projects due, special ceremonies, end of school year events, all in between the regular practices, lessons, games and meetings.  And don’t forget Teacher Appreciation Week or Mother’s Day!  Or the groceries or the garbage that needs to go out! 

BREATHE.

It can be very overwhelming.  You will have days where you feel like you are a horrible parent. We all do!  It’s hard when you are exhausted, stretched to the max and everybody needs something from you. 

Remember to BREATHE!

It is likely that you will snap once or twice at your children, at your spouse, even at yourself.  That is OK.  It happens to all of us.  The trick is to not let it happen too often.  The ideal, is to get to a point where the exhaustion and snapping happens less and less.  When I work with my One on One clients, we create simple systems to get to that point where you can get through the 90 days of May and actually enjoy most of the activities and the chaos.

As parents, we think everyone else expects us to be Super Mom or Super Dad. Sometimes, we put more pressure on ourselves than anyone else.  When you have one of those moments when the world seems to be falling apart, take 30 seconds – that’s it, 30 seconds – to stop and BREATHE.  For some folks, deep breathing for 30 seconds can work wonders.  For the rest of us, or those of us who need to quiet our mind from racing, here’s another option: 

In just 30 seconds, pay attention to all 5 of your senses. 

– What do you hear right now? Even if it’s a crying, screaming child, remember that the child has lungs healthy enough to let you know something is not right. In the future, those lungs might power a solo in the choir or a musical instrument.

– What do you see? What is something within view that brings you pleasure? It could be a picture of your family or a bird on the tree outside.  Look for something that makes you smile. 

– What do you smell?  If you are changing a diaper (Hey, life happens!)  can you think of something that smells nice?  A flower, a candle, the honeysuckle bush outside, or hot chocolate?

– What do you taste?  If you are not currently eating, can you plan to eat something that makes your taste buds happy today?

– What do you notice about touch?  Are you holding a sweet little hand? Do you have fuzzy socks on that you enjoy? Can you pet your dog/cat?

Taking 30 seconds amid the chaos can help ground you. 

And what happens when you do snap?  Think about what you would say to your child if he/she was feeling exhausted and overwhelmed?  Think about what your child was feeling to cause the actions or the behavior that just happened.  What would you do?  Say these things to yourself.  Take care of yourself first.  Then you can go apologize to the person you snapped at earlier.

When you are ready to apologize for snapping, you can start by saying “Boy, I was pretty awful at being a parent/spouse earlier.”  You can explain why, or you can jump to talking about how you will try to avoid this happening again in the future.  By doing so, you are being human.  You are being real.  You are also teaching your children/spouse that they might have “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad” days (to quote Alexander from a book by Judith Viorst) and that’s OK.  It’s what they do with these days, what they learn from them, how they survive and get through them that counts!

It is OK to ask for help.  Email me at DrRenee@HelpingParentsParent.com to set up a 20 minute strategy session.  I make time in my schedule to offer 5 of these strategy sessions for free each month.  This could be your month to get out of overwhelm and back into enjoying parenting.

I anticipate a few “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad” moments, but I wish you many more “happy and healthy” days during the upcoming 90 Days of May!

06Feb/17

LOVE is in the Air

I am posting this a bit early.  I wanted to give you a little time to try the ideas below so that you don’t have to start them at midnight on February 13th!

 

Whether you celebrate Valentine’s Day, or just love chocolate, love seems to be in the air this time of year.

According to Dictionary.com, LOVE is…

  1. A profound tender, passionate affection for another person.

  2. A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

I remember when we first brought our daughter home.  In between the sense of overwhelm and fear that if we didn’t “do it right” someone would come take her back, I developed this incredible sense of love for our tiny infant.  It was something so strong I couldn’t describe it in words.

I was a actually a bit worried when we brought her sister home that this would hurt, or somehow diminish, the love I had for her.  It didn’t.  It’s amazing how much a heart can grow!

Some of you are going through challenges with your children and aren’t feeling that love right now.  I get it.  Believe me – we have both teen and pre-teen girls in our house!  It can be very hard at times to remember the love you felt when you were first getting to know your child, whether that was at birth or any age you brought a child into your life.

Here are three things to help you get that feeling back.  It won’t happen overnight, but try one – or all three – to help you feel the love between you and your child more often.

1) Write a Love Letter to Your Child

Take some time to think about what you most love, admire or enjoy about your child.  Put this in a letter and mail it to your child.  Be sure to include what makes you most proud to call him/her your child.

2) Create a Love List

If writing a letter is not your thing, write a “Top Ten Reasons I Love You” list.  Some ideas to get you started:  I love your smile, kind heart, how you care about your friends, share your toys nicely, how you cuddle with our dog, when we brush our teeth together and see who can get their teeth the cleanest, ….  Be creative.

3) Love Notes

Write a short and sweet love note to your child and put it in his/her lunch box or leave it at the breakfast/dinner table each day of Valentine’s week.  “Have fun in school today”  or “I love your smile” are two ideas.

 

Here is an easy craft idea I sent out to my weekly Tip subscribers:

Cut out large hearts in different colors.  Write notes on each of the hearts and tape them to your child’s door.  The notes can be things you love about your child or you can use candy-heart sayings (Be Mine, I Luv U).  You could even stick one heart per year that your child has been alive – this is easier for kids to understand when they are older.  Be aware that younger children might wonder why they didn’t get as many hearts as their older siblings, so just be ready with an explanation.

If you have a young child who can’t read yet, glue or draw pictures onto the hearts.  The pictures can be of family and friends who love your child or fun/cute pictures from magazines or the internet.

Sometimes it’s the little things that can melt a heart and see big changes.

 

 

 

If you are feeling the challenges of raising a child, please take advantage of my February Special:  One-on-One Coaching sessions are only $49

Click the picture for more information.

This is not just for new parents – if you have worked with me before, you can take advantage of this, too!