Category Archives: Holidays

24Apr/17

It’s almost Mother’s Day

As we approach Mother’s Day, I thought I would share a few thoughts about why this amazing day can be so frustrating!  Don’t get me wrong – it can be a super day, too!  But I hear from so many moms about how disappointed they were on Mother’s Day.  My goal is to help you avoid being disappointed and to really enjoy your day.

Recognize who we are celebrating…YOU!

That being said, if you want the day to go well, you know what you need to do. Plan it.  Yes, I know that doesn’t sound like the day you were envisioning, but keep reading, I’ll explain.

Be mindful of your expectations. 

Do this as much for you as for your kids.

The media does a great job making Mother’s Day out to be this amazing, flowery, perfect family kind of day.  Their job is to sell a product and they appeal to our emotions and dreams to do so.   Remember that you are only getting a piece of the whole picture.  When you see all the happy pictures your friends are posting on Instagram or Facebook… you only get to see the cream of the crop, the best of the best.  Please be mindful of your expectations and keep perspective when viewing anything in the media.

Some mothers have partners, parents, or friends who will help their children create a wonderful Mother’s Day.  Many mothers, have real human beings who try to do something, sometimes at the last minute, or possibly even forget to celebrate at all.

So, it is important to teach your children about your expectations for the day.  Be specific in asking for what you want.  If you want them to bring you breakfast in bed make sure you start asking them a few days in advance to do so.  Again, be specific with your meal request – do you want omelets or cereal?   Teach them how to make you happy by letting them know exactly what you want.  Obviously, there is no guarantee that they will get it exactly perfect, but there’s a much better chance that they will come close.

I’m super fortunate that my girls (with much help from my husband when they were little) liked to bring me breakfast in bed.  My girls love to make pancakes with their dad, so that was what they brought up to me.  During the weeks leading up to Mother’s Day, whenever we had pancakes, I would mention how much I liked chocolate chip pancakes and fresh strawberries..so that is often what they would bring me. What I really wanted was 5-6 more hours of sleep, but I couldn’t pass up the joy on those sweet little faces!

If this all seems a bit overwhelming, it might be time to create new rules for Mother’s Day in your house.  Maybe you decide everyone will help you cook your favorite meal.  Maybe you take your kiddos shopping and show them three things you would really like as a gift from them for Mother’s Day.  Let them choose which one they want to give you (and then go buy it!).

In an earlier blog post, I talked about how my daughters and husband plant our garden for spring.  I’m not a huge veggie fan, so I leave that up to them…  However, I do love flowers!  A tradition we have on Mother’s Day, is for my daughters and I to plant our container flower gardens.

                                        

This is a way for me to spend time with the two beings who made me a mother, doing something I like to do and will enjoy seeing for weeks to come.  When I have my act together, I will take the girls out during the prior week to pick out flowers they want to plant with me on Mother’s Day.  However, there have been some years, when I have just picked out the variety of flowers I wanted and let them choose which ones to put in the containers we were planting together.

Your children can’t read your mind and they don’t know what you want or expect.  Your children also don’t want to feel like they missed a holiday. They are less aware of the calendar and how to celebrate Mother’s Day.   Make sure you have realistic expectations and that you are specific with your requests. 

With a little planning, you can have a great Mother’s Day. 

So, go out there and celebrate YOU!!!

14Dec/15

A Bad Case of the “Gimmes”

Does your child have a bad case of the “Gimmes” or the “I-wants”? “Give me this” and “I want that!”

 

Parents often struggle with providing for their children while keeping their child from feeling entitled or falling into the “spoiled” category. Many parents feel like they are earning enough, so why shouldn’t they provide everything for their children? It’s also easy to want for your children what you didn’t have. Watch out and think twice before you provide everything!  Material things end up meaning less if they are easily available.

 

If you want to break the “Gimmes” or “I-wants”, or if you are lucky enough to be reading this when your child is very young and want to prevent these sneaky creatures from entering your home, you need to have a plan. As a parent, you are in charge. You do not need to be mean, but you do need to think about your priorities and teach them to your children. Will you give them everything they need at any time, or only when you feel they need something? What about things they ‘want’ (the $200 pair of jeans, when you can get very nice jeans for $20-30). Will you provide an allowance and ask your child to provide for herself (clothing, activities, outings)?  Will you ask your child to split the cost of the extras (movies, shopping for items that are not needed-just desired, such as his 8th hockey stick)?

 

If allowances or a demand for new things aren’t the problem but you feel like your child has too many things (notice a big mess around the house or things that get ignored for months?), think about having your child clean out his toy box right before the holidays or his birthday. See if you can find a homeless shelter, women’s shelter or another ‘real-life’ place to take your child to donate the old toys.   Help your child understand that these children might not get any toys/clothing if you did not help out. Explain that these children can still be happy and healthy and loved, but their families most likely do not have enough money for fun things or things above and beyond the necessities.

 

And what about shopping trips to the grocery store or for another person’s birthday? As a parent who needs to take a child on a shopping trip, you face extra challenges than someone shopping alone. I’ll be the first to admit to buying a toy from the $1 section on more than one occasion to entertain my child throughout the shopping trip… See my blog on The Joys (not!) of Shopping with Children for more. If you buy your child something on every shopping trip, he will learn to expect it (and the “Gimmes” will be there in full force). If you give in to a tantrum because he wants something you are not willing to buy, he will learn that throwing a tantrum gets him whatever item he wants.

 

Some parents have children keep a list of things they want. Every time a child says “I want” something, they are politely told to write it down on the list. Parents review the list with the child close to birthdays, holidays and special occasions to see if the things on the list are still relevant. If they are, they can be shared with relatives or others interested in buying a gift for your child or the child can be encouraged to save and buy the item with her own money.

It’s not too late to get rid of the case of the “Gimmes” or “I-wants.” If there is something your child really wants, have her earn part of the money to pay for the item. Helping a neighbor or doing extra chores around the house can help a young child earn some spending (or saving) money. This is a good practice even when it’s not around the holiday time!

07Dec/15

3 Ways to Beat Holiday Stress!

Let’s face it. In America, holidays are a stressful time of year, no matter what religion you practice. From mid-November through the end of December there are family dinners, travel plans, presents to wrap, extra concerts and activities, school assignments, not to mention meetings and gatherings or parties at work and wrapping up the end of the year activities. (Breathe.) All of that can add up to stress! If you are stressed, your kids will pick up on your stress and become stressed as well.

So what can you do?

  1. Write down exactly what needs to be done, everything you can think of and a guestimate of how much time it will take. Remember things often take longer than anticipated, especially with little helpers or frequent interruptions, give yourself some extra time. Please don’t get overwhelmed, you are going to be able to tackle this list. Note what day/time each of these items needs to be done. Mark the items you can do in advance and start doing them. This will help prevent the last minute rush.

  2. Prioritize. How many of these things need to be done? What can you honestly live without? Do you need place tags at your family dinner table for Thanksgiving? Do you need to make every dish for your big family dinner or can you let someone else prepare a meal for the family to eat? It is OK to share and let someone else enjoy a compliment, even if it’s just for a side dish or hard boiled eggs.   Do you have a teen aged neighbor who would like to earn a few dollars by playing with your children while you get things done? Or maybe that teen is willing to do some chores around the house or yard so that you don’t have to do it all. Give yourself permission to drop a few things from your list that would probably be lovely, but not absolutely necessary. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness, and it also lets other people feel useful and needed.

  3. Take Care of Yourself. In the middle of all of this crazy-ness, plan some Anti-Stress activities. Of course, you can go to an all day spa, but taking care of yourself does not have to be super expensive or time consuming when you’re feeling stressed for time. Take a few moments to sip your favorite tea. Go to the gym or take the dogs out for a quick 10 minute walk if that’s what helps you to calm down. Give your child a big hug! Call or email friend you haven’t talked with in a while.

Remember to breathe and to compliment yourself! You CAN do this!!